Thursday, February 17, 2005

Final Pre-Fasting Thoughts

It's the night before the fast begins. Just home from Andresen's Tavern, the local hang out for the old-school Petaluma poultry (and Petaluma Poultry) folks. Had three pints of Lagunitas IPA while chatting with Chris, Wayne and Dennis. Am about to go have a last meal at McNear's, with which I will indubitably consume another pint or two.

I don't remember feasting before the fast the last time I did it, but it does have a certain morbid appeal this time. And since weight loss is a goal this time around, a last gluttonous indulgance makes a certain amount of sense -- push that "before" weight up just a bit higher.

Why am I doing this fast, a pretty intense one at that? Detoxification is probably top of the list. I don't eat that well. I drink too much. And I smoke tobacco products -- in varying amounts but on average at an inarguably unhealthy level. Abstinence from these inebrients should will I hope at least return me to a baseline level -- at this point I have no plans or illusions of completely ceasing my use of either alcohol or tobacco. But of course I've had three pints so ask me in a day or so and my opinion will likely be different.

There's also the question of how much waste is built up in my colon. I may address this eventually, but probably the best said about it the better.

Weight loss is another incentive for the fast. I have increased my pant size several increments over the past 12-18 months. Not only do I hate having to shop for new and ever-larger clothes, I've recently come to the conclusion that I am verging on being decidedly unattractively and unhealthily overweight. The fast may be the final desparate move to avoid joining a gym. Though at fast's end, if not before, I do need to adopt some sort of regimen of physical activity. Again, keep me off the booze and the tobacco for a week and my attitude towards Gold's may be much warmer.

General health. The book in which the lemonade diet is described (again, I will describe and critique this in more detail later) includes all sorts of testimonials and claims about how it can prevent and cure any disease known to medicine, western or otherwise. My descent into unhealthy habits has left me feeling quite often on the verge on illness -- not to mention
"bloated and insecure"
.

"Because it's there." To speak frankly, willpower is not always my strongpoint. I'd like to think that this is due to my overwhelming nihilism and general lack of ambition and direction -- that if/when I really believed in something or wanted something I would muster the will to overcome any and all obstacles. Not that I'm an easy believer in the power of The Master Cleanser, but it was a remarkable experience the last time I did it. Can I make it the whole 10 days this time? Will I enter a "zone" and decide to push through and beyond the 10 day mark? What stores of resolve might I discover and capitalize upon during this time?

It's not a blog so much as a journal, this thing, but I wanted a place to record my thoughts and here it is.

Off to the last meal.